wasted but love it......

I'm flying
but I'm still n earth....
am drunk
but I'm never
this well in drinking........

now I'm hurting....

exactly...
I know this will
happen...
last night
everything
went right....
but when I'm in
front of the PC now...
everything is not
on the right track....
how I wish
I'd just went home.....
I already cried..
it just feels so heavy
within....
i think
this is
another
painful goodbye....

I hate to go....

I hate to go..
for it will break my heart in two....
it"ll make me cry...
because I know
when I'll be back
I'll no longer see him...
I'm not gonna see him
forever,,,,...
and
that's just so painful for me...
I could not take it....
I could not bare the pain
that it"ll cause me...

He is just so
so
so
irresistible....
I don't know why..
but I don't wanna feel
the same way I feel
towards his cousin...
I should not cry...
not again..
for someone
who is not mine...
it's so pathetic of me...
but the heaviness I feel now
is true,,..
I wanna cry
no matter how pathetic I look....
The day I'll leave
this place
will also be a shattered day...
I may cry..
I may become numb...
I may never be happy
for the rest of the semester break......

I wish
I didn't have to think about it...
I wish
it didn't have to happen.....
I wish
I didn't hope that much....

I shouldn't be miserable today....

I know this will just pass..
I hope this feelin'
will go away sooner....
I don't want to bare the
pain for too long
for it will
slowly wrench my heart.....

Lemuel...
just go away..
I know you'll just be
a part of my life today....
and tomorrow...
and the next day...
you'll be gone....
FOREVER.....
just like everybody else.....

..they just come and go...
..leavin' me again
in my own solitude........


I know,
that someday
you'll be just a fragment,
a piece,
of this so worn out memory...

You'll belong
in my past..
you'll be my yesterday..
a part of my teenage history....

But amidst all
the longing that I've been
through that didn't come true...
I still wanna thank you
for that a simple glance of you
doesn't fail to
give color to all the gloomy days
this semester.....

seeing you
brought shivers to my spine...
butterflies flutter
in my stomach....
and it made wonders
within me...
I'll surely miss the
sight of you.....

Your smile
would forever stay,
nailed,
in my mind....
for it can melt my heart....

I will never forget that night...
when fate decided
to bring us together...
..in the right place
but at the wrong time....

i know you were drunk then..
and I'm not that drunk...
I love the feeling..
the feel of your hands
against my bare skin....
the cold ballpoint of the
pen you're using
when writing down your
number brought
different wondrous sensation
in the dept of my soul
that
I can never describe....

The attention
you were giving me that night
is irreplaceable....
It made me wish now
that that night would never have to end..
that it would continue forever..
so I will never have to suffer
from it now....

that night..
what ever happen that night...
I will always ask God
to play it again and again
in my own memory...

I will never have enough of it...
I wont get enough of it...

I know Lemuel...

"that what happens
here in Cebu, will stay
in Cebu.."

"You will forget Me...
and I will forget You.."


GB

I never knew...

I never knew
that it would hurt like this..
If only I knew..

messy Irene on Sept. 5, '08

I don't know where to start..
it's just so hard..
so hard to type in detailed
events that happen to me last night...
I thought it was just a
plain drinking session
to celebrate Aldrin's birthday...
I promise myself that
I wont mess up the night...
I don't even think
that I really got too drunk
to do such silly and stupid
things that I really did last night...
I was happy that we've done
the drinking session near the boarding house
and we observe limitations to our
voices so not to disturb the sleeping neighbors...
because the reviewer were still awake that time...
I'd like to see them passin' by...
and seeing me getting drunk...
but as the night go deeper
I never expect that something
would hurt me too much...
so much...
and I could not help but cry
everything out....
It was just a stupid word...
from a stupid person...
I know why I can't cry on ordinary days...
but now I know...
Last night I found a reason to
burst out my tears...
to spill everything out...
I know what I'm doing...
am not that drunk...
but its just that the influence
of alcohol got into my
stupid brain and I'm willing to do
just anything and I don't care
what it will cause me....
I shouted at him
calling him in a stupid way...
but I was not expecting that he would wait
for me in the gate of the boarding house..
I was horrified...
too scared to admit my fault...
he blocked my way
and never let me pass,....
he asked me again and again
if whats wrong with me..
but I do not remember too clearly what I had said...
I was just too embarrass to even
look at him straight in the eyes...
but he never even tried to hold me...
I remember I was trembling...
then he let me walk away..
I started to cry again..
this time I breakdown....
I wanna die..
I remember I was about to cross the street..
and theres a cab that stops to see
if something is wrong..
my friends brought me back to the
boarding house..
and they comforted me...
thanks to them that they were there...
they let me sleep...
and I cried myself to sleep a few hours ago.....

When I Wake Up.....

when I wake up
I felt so stupid...
so ashamed of what I did..
I don't know how to
go out of the house....
and then another thought
bothered me...
He may never and will never
go near me.....

hahahhahahhah....

that would surely hurt..
guess I have to say
bye bye to this feeling....
last night was the end
of everything.....
I have burst it all out..........

is it the start?

am I startin' all over again...??


tryin' so hard
to forget
and let go
of that someone
who had never been mine....

I'm starting to live
a world of my own..
seeing my self alone
in the middle of a busy street...

hearing my own
hearts secret wail
of the pain that
it's tryin' to ease...

I'm startin' to blind myself
putting you in the oblivion
I created for myself..

I'm hearing only the
music from my mp3..
tryin' not to hear you laugh...

I'm startin' and still tryin'......

a buzzzyy and gloomy day....

First day of the month of September...
and its a Monday
after the week long celebration of the Intramurals...
and OMG!!
The teachers, they're putting
us in hell today...
very demanding and so OVER....
I felt so tired..
so stressed out...
so drained...
and so blue...

Gloomy, because
no matter what I do
I don't make such improvement...
I mean nothing really happens...
He pass by and
he didn't even say HI!!!
Thats so sad,,...
I pity myself
for feeling like this
towards a person
who doesn't feel
the same way that I do.....

what a waste!!!!!