am lost....

am lost
in my own solitary prison
I've made for myself......
I often say this line
'cause I have a strong feeling
that it really fits me...
as Irene Marie.......

am lost
in this place
wherein one day
I'll just woke up
realizing that I
could not traverse
the road back
to the past....

wasted

I know..
I still know..
I wanna vomit..
I feel so bad..
My head is aching..
I feel like
I'm really gonna throw up..
I'm just so mad at myself
and with the
people around me....
I'm drunk..
no doubt about that!!!!

what makes me..

what makes me sad:

is the reality that

even if I'd do everything

and give up everything

I still wont have you

I still wont have a space'

even a small space,

in your heart..................

T_T

ouch......super... T_T

I just read his comment

and his question...

his question almost made me cry....

ouchie,,...it really hurts...

I think he likes somebody else

a young girl..

so innocent..

not like me...

my God!!!

I never wanna feel this..

no way..

not again..

not now..

not with him...

I really can't tell it all...

I feel so down..

I wanna

breakdown..

and

cry

and

cry...

until the last drop

of my tears fall

from my eyes!!!!!

I feel so helpless...

so naive...

I wanna go home

and cry myself

to sleep..

I know this will

happen..

but it's too soon

I don't expect this..

I'm such an idiot right now...

wishin' he would fall for me

when it's so impossible...

is this the last time

I'll ever dream of you

to be mine???

I just wanna let go

and stop this foolishness,,...

please,,..

I don't wanna cry

and end up hurtin' myself.....

a gloomy mownin...

I woke up
so late this morning..
feeling so tired
to even do a slightest move...
so tired to rise from my bed..
feeling that theres nothing
to look forward to this day..
With Lalai gone
and with my heart broken
how am I supposed to
begin my day??
I really have no better idea
on how to start my day and end it..
I even don't think
that I can put a smile om my sad face..
I feel like going home
and sleep for the rest
of the day..
until classes resume next week..
I'm not enjoying
'cause I have cause myself
to suffer in my
hearts own stupid reasons!!!!!!

seeing you only means....

seeing you only means....


I'm breaking my heart..


I'm crying in silence..


I'm wrenching my soul..


I'm falling against false hope..


I'm wishin'..


I'm longing..


I'm turnin' myself into a loser...


It's makin' me bleed........

distress.......

phewww..!!!!!!
how sad...
so disappointing...
so weakening...
I felt so down...
so weak inside...
because I am expecting...
I came from the gadja
which almost turn my mood upside down
I was so tired going with Melody
only to find out that her text mate
wont make an appearance..
That guy is so terrifying ang horrifying!!
How could he show no interest
to my friend,
no efforts at all,
He's not even handsome!!!!!
I'll kill him if I'll see him again!!
swear!!!

I was so anxious to went home..
so I can go to the net shop
to open my friendster account
because I am excited
'cause I know I've got a comment
and a message
waiting for my reply
only to be disappointed...
Because I am expecting
something more...
more than just the message
I had receive from him today...

I don't know
but it's making me weak inside..

It had burned out all my hope..
giving proof that he really is
not interested in me!!!!

how sad...
he can't see me
as someone who he
could be with for sometime
here in the city...

I felt like crying...

I know
I should not expect..
but it's hard...
really hard!!!!

How I wish this
fee4ling would just go and
vanish for all eternity!!!!