Ma. Angelie Ticar

That girl... who knows me more than I know myself~
It was my mistake..
I'm truly sorry lai..
I miss you
:))

happy & sad?

yeah..
last night I was both happy and sad...

happy because my plan for the longest time
finally had worked...
I really, carefully plan for that time to come
I don't know when it will eventually happen
but last night was the night...
Feb. 15 2009..
but even though I had it planned
I was still trembling
and my hands were sweating so badly...
I could not imagine that every illusion I had
for the past days was there in front of me...
I was not in control of the situation..
actually I can't find my voice
and there was an air of uneasiness
or shall I say awkwardness between us...
but somethin' even more unforgettable
happen last night..
I thought we can just eat together
that was what I had always wanted to happen...
but after we finish our dinner
we remain seated there
and continue our conversation
where I don't know how we
all started it...
from that awkward moment
to a fully comfortable air of
sensuality talk
where we both laugh
and laugh, where,
I don't know if its true,
he opened a piece of his life with me...
it was a not a so long conversation...
it was enough for one of us
to get to know each other a little bit...
And I must admit I handle it very well.
I don't know with him..
and I totally enjoyed it even if what
follows afterward was a disaster....
And I totally love every moment of it..
why shouldn't I?
when my chances were so close...
I got to look at him in the eye..
stare at his face...
look at the almost perfect angle of his face..
his long nose...
his charming smile...
God, I just felt like he was the only one
in that room that exist
and the others were just wall flowers
I hardly took notice...
I was even afraid that
I was so blunt and I might be too obvious
that I like the flow of our conversation...
Good Lord, I wanted that moment forever..
I wanted it to go on and on and on...
but honestly I didn't think of
it freely..
maybe because I sense that I'm
not going anywhere with just that
"over 30 minutes conversation"...
AND most especially because
lalai gave me no reason to
savor the feeling
for she gave me reaon to hate her instead...
I REALLY DO HATE HER SO MUCH....
SO SO SO MUCH....
THAT'S WHY i FEEL SO SAD...
SO SAD THAT I CAN'T ENJOY
THE EXPERIENCE....