distance by YOU

When we talk about distance we talk about miles and miles away, so far and far away.
For me distance is such a lonely word.
It kills time and it kills you.
But it's so hard to be so near yet so far to someone you would want to be with.
Thats what I consider 'distance'...
Because I have to satisfy myself from seeing him from a distance.
Meeting him along the corridor.
Calling his name out loud.
His not that unreachable only he is not meant to be mine.
Fate could be so cruel.
know exactly where I stand And I don't have to push myself on and on when I know theres nothing I can hold onto....
Every time I saw him with my friends I have to pretend that I really like him when I'm not really sure if I do.
I couldn't hold onto something when I know there is nothing to hold. Standing on to false pretenses will always put me down...
It weakens my energy and going on seems to be so vague....
I wanted to stop this nonsense..
He really doesn't exist in my system but I saw him every time that I'm not expecting to.
But can't you see he doesn't care, he doesn't know me.
Is there something I can do?
No,there is nothing I can do...
If there is what for??
just to see myself fail then cry...???
no no no way!!!!!
Maybe it's fine this way
it wont hurt too much....
You know Sam Jordan
I'd be much happier if I wont be able to see you around...
It will help me forget this craziness...
I can't believe that I had to do this to bring excitement to my life...
Whatta crap....

__feelings__

I don't feel well...
I don't know, I'm just too tired to go on with life
I'd had enough worries about my life this last few days and I just don't know how to be happy again....
I just wanted to finish everything that made me so stressed and depressed all this time..
Schoolwork is pressuring me as it had never been.
It's really unbelievable to stay awake so late just to finish a fucking shit project.
But I guess this is really it.
And I just have to bare with it...
...as always....
I hope I can make it through...
I have to love this life I am living
even though it's been so harsh to me...
I have to go on
no matter if I'm alone..
Do I really make sense??
..I hope so...

my h♥rt...

Even though my heart is filled with darkness there is still a part of it that still cares,that love and get hurt...
Once under a heavy rain I feel like crying standing alone in the corner outside a store. I pity the old beggars down the sidewalk of the school. Every afternoon they sit in there and open there hands to passers by like me and I could not help but pity them, it's not all the time that I have some money to give and I always feel guilty every time I feel so happy or if I came from a happy meal spending over what is more than just what I have to spend. That afternoon it was drizzling as I was running I saw them soak in the rain before they seek a place to shed. I don't know why but deep within me I wanted to help them somehow,someday. I could not pretend all the time that I didn't notice them when everyday I am a witness to all man's sufferings and pain and most of all their struggle to live this life full of sacrifices,difficulties,treachery and poverty. I am not rich, I have no enough money to help them. They are more unfortunate than me.
I have a home, a family to run to, a shelter, clothes,money,food, I study at a prestigious school and I wonder why even if it seems to be okay I still want more, wish for more to think that I'm lucky enough to have the common necessities that I needed. I couldn't be satisfied with what I have right now though sometimes I tend to be contented of it. I know for sure I'm looking for that something that would fill the emptiness I feel all the time.
In this world you would always go through a time of your life where life seems to be perfect that you could almost see your tomorrow molded and shaped so vividly that you could almost touch it and get hold of it with your bare hands and take control of it but it doesn't seem to last forever that way if you choose to break it with your own hands. We always have to remember that we are not the one's in control of our future we are only the driver of our own life, where we choose to go and where we choose to pass is our own decision.
Me, I choose the long and hard way wherein learning would always take time. Where regret is along the way. Where my past keeps on hunting me. Where realization that life is unfair is so vividly placed in front of my two eyes!! that no matter which way I choose to go I can see poverty all around....
...old beggars.street children,homeless old people,lolas' and lolos' soak in sweat around the corner,hunchbacks-old people running the busy street under the piercing heat of the sun selling cigarettes and candies earning so little,hunger and weariness,due to old age,can be seen in their hollow eyes-----all these I see by my own two eyes!!!
___-----my heart is fill with nothing else but PITY for them.......

I don't have to wonder why, I have a lola and lolo at home,there old but still there still working so hard for me and my brother. They are the one's sending me to school and they are the one's that are giving us everything. I could not help but feel guilty 'cause I am the one responsible for their hardwork and hardships. I love them so much and I would do just everything to return more than what they have given me.....

my H♥RT is in pain not because it's breaking but because it sees the reality that my mind tries to ignore...

HAppy

I am happy...because I feel like today is my day...hehehe..

I know I made it all right...

and I'm glad I made the right choice...

I come close...so close to him...

so close to Sam Jordan....

and seeing him that close

brought me to heaven....

He's so close yet so far...

I'd like to hug him at the very moment...

he's sweating all over

but it doesn't make him look less cute...

basta,,,,,...

I can't totally put into words

what I truly feel today....

I'm, glad no one tends to break it......

getting pissed!!

I don't wanna say again that I don't know why I get pissed off so easily,

it's just that I'm not used to having people like them around me.

I admit what I've done last time was a mistake, it's clear misinterpretation.

And I don't wanna think that I've been misinterpreting them this time.

Do I need to distance myself from them because I've had a bad feeling of where this will lead me. I don't want them to do this to me.

Why does ****** had to say it to me that way?? I don't like the way she uttered those words..its as if shes trying to make me feel that its only her that sees Sam..

goodness ****** you SUCK...

and thanks for making my day you IDIOT!!!!

Are you trying to made me jealous??

well I'm sorry to inform you that you are wrong because I'm not jealous of you in fact I just hate you..

..SO MUCH..

..I hope you will know!!!

little by little,bit by bit all of you are pushing me into the vast place of hatred..

..I'm mad because you don't have to make me feel that way.

You don't have to say it that way.

I just want you away from me cause I could not stand one more day of having you around me ****** *** ******