never been the same....

Everyday is a new day to me.
There were times, during the last few weeks, when laughter seems to be so impossible. When the warm smile to greet people is so hard to do. But luckily I did move on. I believe I did. Though I can still feel the pain and the times when it seems so right when it was wrong! My life will never be the same after that. Things had change and there are just some people that will continue to hurt me even if they don't belong to my life in the present.

my saddest letter

Earle,

I don't know where to start. All I know Earle is that you left me hanging out of the blue wondering why all of a sudden you change and become cold. I respect your silence. But the reason was just so vague that I could not help but wonder what went wrong. If you will give me the right to know why, then better, but if you prefer to keep your reasons then I'll understand. I'm just bothered by your inconsistency. But I wont question you more. Lets just pretend then that nothing happens. Pretend that I haven't send you this message & you haven't read this. Lets just forget everything and remain casual to each other, like ordinary acquaintances....


thank you,
irene marie

broken Irene

now what???

all my life I’ve been in pain…

and suddenly someone came into my life and walk away without saying goodbye. And I couldn’t say anything but that it HURTS too much!!!!! Just like the wind he vanish instantly… He left me hanging here in the cold night of November wondering why all of a sudden he became cold and he never bothered to even tell me why…

I wish he knew how much I suffered,…

I thought everything was in the right track!!!

What might possibly gone wrong?!

I could not bare the pain for it wretch my heart

I feel like my heart is torn into pieces and scattered mercilessly into this stupid world full of hurt, pain and regrets and failure.

I can’t sleep every night thinking about possible reasons of his sudden change…

again I cried myself to sleep, because remembering those short times with him really really hurts!!!!!

He said that his intentions were true but what happen???

I keep asking myself this question but I can’t find an answer to any of the questions that pops out of my head… And I can just find myself bursting into tears and I can’t help it….

I was hurt in the heart because I was thinking that that was it… I had set a date..I was looking forward to that day…that day that never happens…that day’s like an eternity….

And since I went back here in the city I spend so many nights thinking of what shall I do!!!! Sometimes he casually greeted me.. Like normal friends do but we’re not supposed to be just normal friends.. And eventually he stopped texting me…

God please give me a reason to go on… to forget and move on… My heart is broken but worst off all my ego was hurt for he didn’t even consider in telling me the truth.. Don’t I deserve it???

I don’t know what to do!!!!

waking up each day filling so hurt distressed me so much!!!!

I don’t know what will happen next… He never even want to sort things out and we could possibly naturally end up everything the way he started it…..

like he can tell me why and I’ll just have to accept no matter how painful it can be for me…I wont ask.I wont insist. I just want to know why…so I can sleep soundly at night!!!!

I don’t know where to go this time..I wanted to be away..I don’t want to see him anymore, for seeing him everyday reminds me of the pain and another failure that’s pulling me down under into a world of gloom and sadness and loneliness!!!

Everyday I feel like I’m becoming a zombie…walking with an empty head with no certain direction but only to the place where I am scheduled to go to and that’s SCHOOL….

But every time I went home I easily feel the same usual grief that I’ve been keeping all along..And it simply weakens me as if there some invisible hand that pulls down my heart down that I myself feels so low and that I also wanted to lay on the ground just to deal with the heaviness that my heart went through every moment I’m home…

I should not be affected this way but it’s here already and there’s no stopping anymore. And like every heartbreak I’d been through I only hope that this will soon fade away….

Earle, I don’t know what had gone wrong?

you the sole person who knows why

but you choose to be quiet…

but your silence just hurts me even more…..

Why didn’t you tell me??

why do you have to left me hanging here??

why didn’t you ever think that you had

already left a promise

and I had believe in you but

YOU emerged to be different…

WHY????????????????????????????

Do you know how painful is it for me????

why me Earle???

of all the girls out there,,, WHY ME????????

I’ve been broken so many times…

I’ve been broken all along

and then you came and shattered me again

into vulnerable pieces…….

leaving me so drown into this dark pit full

of questions and no answers!!!!!!

I wish You knew that I was almost there….

so close…

so close….

so close to falling in love with you….

and then…..

and then you’re gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this isn't it!!!!

is this another story...
another sad story...
very sad story..
sakit jud au xa....grabeh... no words can express it...y n ani man jud oi.. Lord d jud paq pwede ma happy?/
mag cge na lng jud q cry???
g kapoi naq... la jud ni padulngan... sakt kaau aq heart,,,...again.and again....Lord please spare me....

tears are drying

pretensions of a bitch.....

whose the bitch in here...?
none other than me....
pretending to be okay
when I'm not....
pretending to be happy
when I'm sad....
pretending to be smiling
when I'm crying....
pretending to be deaf
when I can hear...
pretending to be blind
when I can see...
pretending to be numb
when I can really feel....


I am not okay
because you are ignoring me...
I am sad
because you're leaving away....
I am crying
because you don't like me....
I am deaf
because I don't want to
miss your voice....
I am blind
because I don't want to
miss your presence....
I am numb
because I don't want to
miss your simple touch......


pretensions is what
make me go on...
it made me feel stronger...
it made the feeling go away...
it prevented me
from falling much much deeper...
and its also the reason...
why I cry silently at night...
why I listen to a goodbye song...
why I felt so stupid all a long...
why I gaze into space so often....
and
why I put myself in vain...

I am living in the
world full of pretensions
it is my means of surviving....

It's my only way
to say goodbye to you Lemuel....













I have to pretend all the time
to deny myself that you're leaving,
that you don't like me...
I don't want to see you go...
just go away...
sooner I will forget you...
sooner I'll be happy...
sooner I'll be me again.....
my old self when I hadn't met you yet...

It's so sad we have
to part like this...
It hurts me even more
because you're treating me
like a fool...
and you are just happy
being linked to me...
you keep on smiling
when in fact you really don't care....
you don't give a damn...
I don't want to hate you...
I want you to be
a memory I will cherish forever...
Someone who will remind me
of a good past....

I appreciate those times
that you seem to care...
I'm still glad..
I know you're aware
of my feelings....
you know..
and I tried to understand,
though it hurts,
why you can't feel the same towards me....


at least you know...
I think it's the simplest thing
that I can offer myself....

history keeps on repeating itself....
same thing happens with you
and your cousin...

well,do I have anything to do
with what fate has set upon me?...

I am not destined to your cousin...
nor
I am not destined to you, Lemuel.....













Thanks for crossing my way, LEMUEL......

see......

I knew it....
he really doesn't
even care....

wasted but love it......

I'm flying
but I'm still n earth....
am drunk
but I'm never
this well in drinking........

now I'm hurting....

exactly...
I know this will
happen...
last night
everything
went right....
but when I'm in
front of the PC now...
everything is not
on the right track....
how I wish
I'd just went home.....
I already cried..
it just feels so heavy
within....
i think
this is
another
painful goodbye....

I hate to go....

I hate to go..
for it will break my heart in two....
it"ll make me cry...
because I know
when I'll be back
I'll no longer see him...
I'm not gonna see him
forever,,,,...
and
that's just so painful for me...
I could not take it....
I could not bare the pain
that it"ll cause me...

He is just so
so
so
irresistible....
I don't know why..
but I don't wanna feel
the same way I feel
towards his cousin...
I should not cry...
not again..
for someone
who is not mine...
it's so pathetic of me...
but the heaviness I feel now
is true,,..
I wanna cry
no matter how pathetic I look....
The day I'll leave
this place
will also be a shattered day...
I may cry..
I may become numb...
I may never be happy
for the rest of the semester break......

I wish
I didn't have to think about it...
I wish
it didn't have to happen.....
I wish
I didn't hope that much....

I shouldn't be miserable today....

I know this will just pass..
I hope this feelin'
will go away sooner....
I don't want to bare the
pain for too long
for it will
slowly wrench my heart.....

Lemuel...
just go away..
I know you'll just be
a part of my life today....
and tomorrow...
and the next day...
you'll be gone....
FOREVER.....
just like everybody else.....

..they just come and go...
..leavin' me again
in my own solitude........


I know,
that someday
you'll be just a fragment,
a piece,
of this so worn out memory...

You'll belong
in my past..
you'll be my yesterday..
a part of my teenage history....

But amidst all
the longing that I've been
through that didn't come true...
I still wanna thank you
for that a simple glance of you
doesn't fail to
give color to all the gloomy days
this semester.....

seeing you
brought shivers to my spine...
butterflies flutter
in my stomach....
and it made wonders
within me...
I'll surely miss the
sight of you.....

Your smile
would forever stay,
nailed,
in my mind....
for it can melt my heart....

I will never forget that night...
when fate decided
to bring us together...
..in the right place
but at the wrong time....

i know you were drunk then..
and I'm not that drunk...
I love the feeling..
the feel of your hands
against my bare skin....
the cold ballpoint of the
pen you're using
when writing down your
number brought
different wondrous sensation
in the dept of my soul
that
I can never describe....

The attention
you were giving me that night
is irreplaceable....
It made me wish now
that that night would never have to end..
that it would continue forever..
so I will never have to suffer
from it now....

that night..
what ever happen that night...
I will always ask God
to play it again and again
in my own memory...

I will never have enough of it...
I wont get enough of it...

I know Lemuel...

"that what happens
here in Cebu, will stay
in Cebu.."

"You will forget Me...
and I will forget You.."


GB

I never knew...

I never knew
that it would hurt like this..
If only I knew..

messy Irene on Sept. 5, '08

I don't know where to start..
it's just so hard..
so hard to type in detailed
events that happen to me last night...
I thought it was just a
plain drinking session
to celebrate Aldrin's birthday...
I promise myself that
I wont mess up the night...
I don't even think
that I really got too drunk
to do such silly and stupid
things that I really did last night...
I was happy that we've done
the drinking session near the boarding house
and we observe limitations to our
voices so not to disturb the sleeping neighbors...
because the reviewer were still awake that time...
I'd like to see them passin' by...
and seeing me getting drunk...
but as the night go deeper
I never expect that something
would hurt me too much...
so much...
and I could not help but cry
everything out....
It was just a stupid word...
from a stupid person...
I know why I can't cry on ordinary days...
but now I know...
Last night I found a reason to
burst out my tears...
to spill everything out...
I know what I'm doing...
am not that drunk...
but its just that the influence
of alcohol got into my
stupid brain and I'm willing to do
just anything and I don't care
what it will cause me....
I shouted at him
calling him in a stupid way...
but I was not expecting that he would wait
for me in the gate of the boarding house..
I was horrified...
too scared to admit my fault...
he blocked my way
and never let me pass,....
he asked me again and again
if whats wrong with me..
but I do not remember too clearly what I had said...
I was just too embarrass to even
look at him straight in the eyes...
but he never even tried to hold me...
I remember I was trembling...
then he let me walk away..
I started to cry again..
this time I breakdown....
I wanna die..
I remember I was about to cross the street..
and theres a cab that stops to see
if something is wrong..
my friends brought me back to the
boarding house..
and they comforted me...
thanks to them that they were there...
they let me sleep...
and I cried myself to sleep a few hours ago.....

When I Wake Up.....

when I wake up
I felt so stupid...
so ashamed of what I did..
I don't know how to
go out of the house....
and then another thought
bothered me...
He may never and will never
go near me.....

hahahhahahhah....

that would surely hurt..
guess I have to say
bye bye to this feeling....
last night was the end
of everything.....
I have burst it all out..........

is it the start?

am I startin' all over again...??


tryin' so hard
to forget
and let go
of that someone
who had never been mine....

I'm starting to live
a world of my own..
seeing my self alone
in the middle of a busy street...

hearing my own
hearts secret wail
of the pain that
it's tryin' to ease...

I'm startin' to blind myself
putting you in the oblivion
I created for myself..

I'm hearing only the
music from my mp3..
tryin' not to hear you laugh...

I'm startin' and still tryin'......

a buzzzyy and gloomy day....

First day of the month of September...
and its a Monday
after the week long celebration of the Intramurals...
and OMG!!
The teachers, they're putting
us in hell today...
very demanding and so OVER....
I felt so tired..
so stressed out...
so drained...
and so blue...

Gloomy, because
no matter what I do
I don't make such improvement...
I mean nothing really happens...
He pass by and
he didn't even say HI!!!
Thats so sad,,...
I pity myself
for feeling like this
towards a person
who doesn't feel
the same way that I do.....

what a waste!!!!!

am lost....

am lost
in my own solitary prison
I've made for myself......
I often say this line
'cause I have a strong feeling
that it really fits me...
as Irene Marie.......

am lost
in this place
wherein one day
I'll just woke up
realizing that I
could not traverse
the road back
to the past....

wasted

I know..
I still know..
I wanna vomit..
I feel so bad..
My head is aching..
I feel like
I'm really gonna throw up..
I'm just so mad at myself
and with the
people around me....
I'm drunk..
no doubt about that!!!!

what makes me..

what makes me sad:

is the reality that

even if I'd do everything

and give up everything

I still wont have you

I still wont have a space'

even a small space,

in your heart..................

T_T

ouch......super... T_T

I just read his comment

and his question...

his question almost made me cry....

ouchie,,...it really hurts...

I think he likes somebody else

a young girl..

so innocent..

not like me...

my God!!!

I never wanna feel this..

no way..

not again..

not now..

not with him...

I really can't tell it all...

I feel so down..

I wanna

breakdown..

and

cry

and

cry...

until the last drop

of my tears fall

from my eyes!!!!!

I feel so helpless...

so naive...

I wanna go home

and cry myself

to sleep..

I know this will

happen..

but it's too soon

I don't expect this..

I'm such an idiot right now...

wishin' he would fall for me

when it's so impossible...

is this the last time

I'll ever dream of you

to be mine???

I just wanna let go

and stop this foolishness,,...

please,,..

I don't wanna cry

and end up hurtin' myself.....

a gloomy mownin...

I woke up
so late this morning..
feeling so tired
to even do a slightest move...
so tired to rise from my bed..
feeling that theres nothing
to look forward to this day..
With Lalai gone
and with my heart broken
how am I supposed to
begin my day??
I really have no better idea
on how to start my day and end it..
I even don't think
that I can put a smile om my sad face..
I feel like going home
and sleep for the rest
of the day..
until classes resume next week..
I'm not enjoying
'cause I have cause myself
to suffer in my
hearts own stupid reasons!!!!!!

seeing you only means....

seeing you only means....


I'm breaking my heart..


I'm crying in silence..


I'm wrenching my soul..


I'm falling against false hope..


I'm wishin'..


I'm longing..


I'm turnin' myself into a loser...


It's makin' me bleed........

distress.......

phewww..!!!!!!
how sad...
so disappointing...
so weakening...
I felt so down...
so weak inside...
because I am expecting...
I came from the gadja
which almost turn my mood upside down
I was so tired going with Melody
only to find out that her text mate
wont make an appearance..
That guy is so terrifying ang horrifying!!
How could he show no interest
to my friend,
no efforts at all,
He's not even handsome!!!!!
I'll kill him if I'll see him again!!
swear!!!

I was so anxious to went home..
so I can go to the net shop
to open my friendster account
because I am excited
'cause I know I've got a comment
and a message
waiting for my reply
only to be disappointed...
Because I am expecting
something more...
more than just the message
I had receive from him today...

I don't know
but it's making me weak inside..

It had burned out all my hope..
giving proof that he really is
not interested in me!!!!

how sad...
he can't see me
as someone who he
could be with for sometime
here in the city...

I felt like crying...

I know
I should not expect..
but it's hard...
really hard!!!!

How I wish this
fee4ling would just go and
vanish for all eternity!!!!

I want you

I want you

but I can't have you

because you don't like me

I am not your priority

and worst of all

you like someone else

you didn't even care..

didn't even bother...

I'm scared

I might get hurt

I might cry again..


I hate to expect

I might be disappointed....


I hate to hope

only to be failed....



I hate to wait

I might regret it..



I hate to love in silence

when you are deaf..

you don't hear the beat of my heart

every time that I see you...


I hate to dream of you

when you didn't even dream of me.


I hate to see you

when you don't even see me...

'cause you don't see how

much I am glad when you pass by..



PEOPLE, they want

someone else for me..

somebody else likes me..



BUT, I only want YOU..

I only like YOU..

and

no one else....



Would it be like this

forever..?

just hello
and
goodbye!!!!!!!!!

I wanna.......

I wanna fall..

I wanna fall inlove again..

.....but time wont let me....

......fate wont allow me......

I wanna be with someone

....who will love me

....who will care for me

....who will cuddle me

....who will give me affection

....who will laugh at my silly jokes

....who will hold my hand

....who will give me comfort

....who will give me security

....who will give me a reason to smile everyday

....who will give me a tight hug

....who will lightly kiss me to ease my pain

....who will make me laugh the hardest

....who will love my clumsiness

....who will tie my hair

....who will wipe my tears away

....who will swift me off my feet

....who will look at me lovingly

..someone..

....who will not make me weep

....who will not ignore me

....who will not hurt me

....who will not break my heart again

and that someone

I want it to be YOU...


YOU who can give me the world


YOU who can give your whole heart to me!!!!!

no more HE....

no more HE...

HE is so near,yet

He is so far away...

HE will never come close...

He will never come close to me again

HE can never stare at me

He will never see me smile again

He can never hold my hand

HE will never see me laugh with him

HE can't talk to me again

HE will never say hi to me

HE have no chances anymore

He can never tell me that

He likes me,nor say that

He loves me.....and

HE

HE is gone...

......forever.......

and what about I???

no more I....

I can never be with him

I will always be far away

I will never come close to him

I will never came close to him again

I will never see him stare at me

I will never smile at him

I will never let him hold my hand

I can never laugh with him

I can't never talk to him

I will never say hi to him

I will not give him a chance

I can never tell that

I like him too....that

I might fall in love with him...

I...

I am broken by false hope

I am broken by you......

I will be gone

.....forever.....

crap on me for bein' wasted

CRAP!!!!
here I go again pretending to be okay when in fact I am not,
I dont know whats wrong with me!!!
Maybe I just want to be away from this reality that keeps on bothering me..
One day I felt so happy but suddenly
the next day I feel so sad and so alone again!!!!
I couldn't be me because
I wanna be someone else
who can't feel the pain I am feelin' right now!!!!
Thats why I have to drink...
I wanna get drunk...
so I can escape from my own solitary prison
I've made for myself!!!!
I know I'm wasted but
I just love every moment of my ignorance
and seeing my guts out from my very own self...
I love feelin' every drop of alocohol
filling every weak veins of my system
makin' mo hotter and even more unconcsious of my gestures
and attitudes to the people I don't even remember after gettin' drunk...
I dont drink because I wanna forget
I can never forget..
....never...
I drink to stay alive,,..
I drink to escape for a while...
I drink so I can spit out every inch of my soul..
so I can tell...
I can shout even louder...
I can talk confidently,,...
I can laugh...
so I can be me...
no crappy-crappy thing
and
not just being 'wasted'!!!!!!!!

he knows...

he was there...
selling their t-shirts..
I saw how he approach the passers-by
but wen we pass by
he didn't approach us...
Does he know about us?
about me???
or was it just
our imagination???
If he knows
then why is he
avoiding us???
questions...
unanswered
feelings...
mere imagination
I wish he would
go near me...
but he disappointed me...
why
Sam???....

And he made me:

smile

cry

tremble

shake

....and worst of all


he......


made me fall for him....

Sam Jordan

♥
♥

distance by YOU

When we talk about distance we talk about miles and miles away, so far and far away.
For me distance is such a lonely word.
It kills time and it kills you.
But it's so hard to be so near yet so far to someone you would want to be with.
Thats what I consider 'distance'...
Because I have to satisfy myself from seeing him from a distance.
Meeting him along the corridor.
Calling his name out loud.
His not that unreachable only he is not meant to be mine.
Fate could be so cruel.
know exactly where I stand And I don't have to push myself on and on when I know theres nothing I can hold onto....
Every time I saw him with my friends I have to pretend that I really like him when I'm not really sure if I do.
I couldn't hold onto something when I know there is nothing to hold. Standing on to false pretenses will always put me down...
It weakens my energy and going on seems to be so vague....
I wanted to stop this nonsense..
He really doesn't exist in my system but I saw him every time that I'm not expecting to.
But can't you see he doesn't care, he doesn't know me.
Is there something I can do?
No,there is nothing I can do...
If there is what for??
just to see myself fail then cry...???
no no no way!!!!!
Maybe it's fine this way
it wont hurt too much....
You know Sam Jordan
I'd be much happier if I wont be able to see you around...
It will help me forget this craziness...
I can't believe that I had to do this to bring excitement to my life...
Whatta crap....

__feelings__

I don't feel well...
I don't know, I'm just too tired to go on with life
I'd had enough worries about my life this last few days and I just don't know how to be happy again....
I just wanted to finish everything that made me so stressed and depressed all this time..
Schoolwork is pressuring me as it had never been.
It's really unbelievable to stay awake so late just to finish a fucking shit project.
But I guess this is really it.
And I just have to bare with it...
...as always....
I hope I can make it through...
I have to love this life I am living
even though it's been so harsh to me...
I have to go on
no matter if I'm alone..
Do I really make sense??
..I hope so...

my h♥rt...

Even though my heart is filled with darkness there is still a part of it that still cares,that love and get hurt...
Once under a heavy rain I feel like crying standing alone in the corner outside a store. I pity the old beggars down the sidewalk of the school. Every afternoon they sit in there and open there hands to passers by like me and I could not help but pity them, it's not all the time that I have some money to give and I always feel guilty every time I feel so happy or if I came from a happy meal spending over what is more than just what I have to spend. That afternoon it was drizzling as I was running I saw them soak in the rain before they seek a place to shed. I don't know why but deep within me I wanted to help them somehow,someday. I could not pretend all the time that I didn't notice them when everyday I am a witness to all man's sufferings and pain and most of all their struggle to live this life full of sacrifices,difficulties,treachery and poverty. I am not rich, I have no enough money to help them. They are more unfortunate than me.
I have a home, a family to run to, a shelter, clothes,money,food, I study at a prestigious school and I wonder why even if it seems to be okay I still want more, wish for more to think that I'm lucky enough to have the common necessities that I needed. I couldn't be satisfied with what I have right now though sometimes I tend to be contented of it. I know for sure I'm looking for that something that would fill the emptiness I feel all the time.
In this world you would always go through a time of your life where life seems to be perfect that you could almost see your tomorrow molded and shaped so vividly that you could almost touch it and get hold of it with your bare hands and take control of it but it doesn't seem to last forever that way if you choose to break it with your own hands. We always have to remember that we are not the one's in control of our future we are only the driver of our own life, where we choose to go and where we choose to pass is our own decision.
Me, I choose the long and hard way wherein learning would always take time. Where regret is along the way. Where my past keeps on hunting me. Where realization that life is unfair is so vividly placed in front of my two eyes!! that no matter which way I choose to go I can see poverty all around....
...old beggars.street children,homeless old people,lolas' and lolos' soak in sweat around the corner,hunchbacks-old people running the busy street under the piercing heat of the sun selling cigarettes and candies earning so little,hunger and weariness,due to old age,can be seen in their hollow eyes-----all these I see by my own two eyes!!!
___-----my heart is fill with nothing else but PITY for them.......

I don't have to wonder why, I have a lola and lolo at home,there old but still there still working so hard for me and my brother. They are the one's sending me to school and they are the one's that are giving us everything. I could not help but feel guilty 'cause I am the one responsible for their hardwork and hardships. I love them so much and I would do just everything to return more than what they have given me.....

my H♥RT is in pain not because it's breaking but because it sees the reality that my mind tries to ignore...

HAppy

I am happy...because I feel like today is my day...hehehe..

I know I made it all right...

and I'm glad I made the right choice...

I come close...so close to him...

so close to Sam Jordan....

and seeing him that close

brought me to heaven....

He's so close yet so far...

I'd like to hug him at the very moment...

he's sweating all over

but it doesn't make him look less cute...

basta,,,,,...

I can't totally put into words

what I truly feel today....

I'm, glad no one tends to break it......

getting pissed!!

I don't wanna say again that I don't know why I get pissed off so easily,

it's just that I'm not used to having people like them around me.

I admit what I've done last time was a mistake, it's clear misinterpretation.

And I don't wanna think that I've been misinterpreting them this time.

Do I need to distance myself from them because I've had a bad feeling of where this will lead me. I don't want them to do this to me.

Why does ****** had to say it to me that way?? I don't like the way she uttered those words..its as if shes trying to make me feel that its only her that sees Sam..

goodness ****** you SUCK...

and thanks for making my day you IDIOT!!!!

Are you trying to made me jealous??

well I'm sorry to inform you that you are wrong because I'm not jealous of you in fact I just hate you..

..SO MUCH..

..I hope you will know!!!

little by little,bit by bit all of you are pushing me into the vast place of hatred..

..I'm mad because you don't have to make me feel that way.

You don't have to say it that way.

I just want you away from me cause I could not stand one more day of having you around me ****** *** ******

YOU make me hate you

Maybe I'm really born at the wrong side of the earth..I could get so cruel and rude all the time..More than being mean. But cant you see you are the one pushing me into this pit of darkness I'm in. I hate you cause you always ruin my day. You make me so sick all the time and being near you only means that I wont be able to be comfortable. I don't wanna cry just because of you,in fact I don't give a damned if I lost you because,honestly, I don't consider you as one of my friends. Its not your being so ma-arte because I am more ma-arte than you do!!!! If time only permits I wont stick around with you so that I don't have to pretend that I am nice and that I am a good and considerate friend to you. I don't wanna eat meals with you.!!! your such a perfectionist and you always see the wrong in me!!!! I wanted to scream at your face and pull you down to your knees..!!! You don't know what I'm going through, if you're just the one in my shoes today you would realize how miserable my life is but you don't know,none of you knows what I truly feel, none of you knows that I am not the real Irene that goes with you everyday..And I don't have any intentions whatsoever to let you know what the fucking life I am living....And now you've pushed me to my limits!!!! HOW dare you say that thing to me,,,!!!! I know I could be so clumsy,so scandalous,you cant get my moods all the time,you get irritated by me, and because of all of these you are free to think that I am not in your level as a SPOILED BRAT or as a Richie girl!!!! But early in the morning when I'm trying so hard to shift my mood because I am so hungry and sleepy and you just turn to face me and say that I SHOULD DRINK A CUP OF COFFEE!!!!!!!! To HELL with you bitch!!!!! what am I drunk???!!! Just because I often told all of you that I got drunk most of the time doesn't mean that just because I look so grumpy you can judge me like that....even if you don't actually say what you're trying to mean I exactly know whats running in your rotten head and crabby-tiny brain..!!!!!! Don't you just say that to me...You don't know the reason why I drink and I don't wanna let any of you know!!! I see you as a SHIT!!! FEELER!!! AIRY & BOSSY!!! And I hate you for that!!! I am not your slave you ugly-dirty girl!!!! I know beyond that as if-fragile _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ is a fucking shit slut!!!!!!

WILL you just stay away from me...

and to sum up everything I WANT YOU OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!