crap on me for bein' wasted

CRAP!!!!
here I go again pretending to be okay when in fact I am not,
I dont know whats wrong with me!!!
Maybe I just want to be away from this reality that keeps on bothering me..
One day I felt so happy but suddenly
the next day I feel so sad and so alone again!!!!
I couldn't be me because
I wanna be someone else
who can't feel the pain I am feelin' right now!!!!
Thats why I have to drink...
I wanna get drunk...
so I can escape from my own solitary prison
I've made for myself!!!!
I know I'm wasted but
I just love every moment of my ignorance
and seeing my guts out from my very own self...
I love feelin' every drop of alocohol
filling every weak veins of my system
makin' mo hotter and even more unconcsious of my gestures
and attitudes to the people I don't even remember after gettin' drunk...
I dont drink because I wanna forget
I can never forget..
....never...
I drink to stay alive,,..
I drink to escape for a while...
I drink so I can spit out every inch of my soul..
so I can tell...
I can shout even louder...
I can talk confidently,,...
I can laugh...
so I can be me...
no crappy-crappy thing
and
not just being 'wasted'!!!!!!!!